“These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.”

Jesus uses the word “love” eight times in today’s Gospel passage; then adds that it is through love that we come to experience joy. For many of us, marriage is the most intense form of love that we experience. And studies show that married couples do tend to be happier than unmarried people. But, married or not, happy people are those with a close circle of loving friends, neighbors and family.

As a source of happiness, the institution of marriage is feeling the strain of demographic and societal changes. The latest census data shows that married couples are now in the minority, accounting for 49% of all U.S. households, outnumbered by single person households and unmarried people living together.

One reason for the decrease in the percentage of married couples is the increase in longevity. Today’s marriage partners can expect to live together for twice as long as their grandparents did. At the turn of the 20th century, life expectancy was approximately 47 years, which meant that a couple marrying at age 21 could expect to live together for 26 years. Now, a couple marrying at the same age can expect to live until age 76, or in other words, for 52 years of married life. When today's couples say, "Until death do us part," it has twice the import it had for previous generations.

Maintaining a healthy, loving relationship for 52 years requires work on the part of both spouses.

When Jesus commanded us to love one another, He wasn't talking about romantic love; He was talking about the labor of love.

Every marriage  is a work in progress. Each spouse is constantly changing, growing and adapting to the other person. We're not the same person at 21 as we are at 40 and we're not the same person at 65 that we were at 40. It takes conscious effort to make a marriage work for one week, one month, one year or fifty two years. You can't take your love for granted. You have to fall in love again every day.

The courtship never ends; it simply changes once you are married. A stroll in the park can be just as romantic as a candlelit dinner for two. Breakfast in bed can be just as loving as a box of chocolates and flowers.

The key is to set aside time each week to work on your relationship. One sure sign of a faltering relationship is a spouse who avoids discussing problems and avoids being alone with his or her partner.

The best of marriages experience stress and strain. The pressures may be related to work, the children, in-laws, health problems, finances or some other cause. But, in every case, what matters most is how the couple resolves their differences. The focus should be on fixing the problem instead of fixing the blame. Sarcasm, insults and name-calling have no place in a healthy marriage. Criticizing the other spouse is demeaning to him or her and devalues the relationship.

The goal is not to "be right" but to "get it right."

In presenting a troublesome issue to your spouse, you might use the "Oreo cookie" approach. An Oreo cookie has two chocolate wafers on the outside, and a sweet, creamy filling inside. Think of the chocolate wafers as compliments and the creamy center as the comment you want to make. By being twice as complimentary, you'll make your comment easier to swallow.

The best way to resolve an issue is to promptly express how you feel and allow your partner equal time to express his or her feelings. Avoiding a thorny topic can simply lead to the build-up of bitter feelings; and, eventually, those pent-up emotions will poison the relationship. If, after hearing one another out, you can't resolve your differences, postpone further discussion until you've taken the matter to prayer. Then, pray for understanding and enlightenment. Your spouse may be right. In fact, both of you may be right in which case a compromise is in order.

If troubles persist, seek outside help for your marriage from a marriage counselor or priest. Your pastor may be able to suggest a Marriage Encounter or a course in conflict resolution, anger management or another subject relevant to your needs. Don't leave your spouse behind; bring him or her with you. Most couples wait years before acknowledging they need help and in so doing put themselves through needless stress.

Above all, remember, "The family that prays together stays together."