Conflict is a fact of life. We’ve all been in situations where we’ve bickered and squabbled with other well-meaning people simply because they saw things differently. It wasn’t a question of being right or wrong. They just didn’t share our views. Sometimes that’s a good thing. It can open our minds to other, creative approaches to a problem.

But sometimes the other person is flat out wrong and won’t admit it. Then a minor spat can become a big controversy involving family members, friends, co-workers and church leaders. In today’s Gospel, Jesus tells His disciples how conflicts should be resolved.

He says we should begin by approaching the other person in private so as not to embarrass him or her. At this stage, maintaining the relationship is the first priority. The challenge is to remain calm and collected, yet assertive.

The focus has to remain on the problem, not on the other person. Having set out the observable facts, we should listen respectfully to the other person and restate his or her position to show it has been understood. If we’re still convinced that we’re in the right, we should look for a face-saving way for the other person to admit the mistake and, if necessary, make amends.

If we cannot resolve the conflict in private, Jesus says, the next step is mediation by two or three interested parties; again, the goal is to resolve the conflict privately, without scandal and rumor spreading. This approach has worked very effectively in drug and alcohol intervention programs where other family members share their views of the problem, all the while professing their love and support for the addict.

But, if mediation fails, Jesus says, we should be prepared to go public and take the matter to the authorities whose decision will be binding on both parties. At this stage, unfortunately, the relationship is most likely lost.

Jesus’ approach to conflict resolution can be summed up in three Ps: privacy politeness and persistence.