Anger Management

Angry with God?: Matthew 5: 20-26

Tue, 4 May 2010 07:10:32 -0500

“. . . first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. . . “

Today’s Gospel message is a call to reconciliation but what if the person we feel anger toward is God?

First of all, it is important to recognize that our emotions are a God-given gift, an essential aspect of our humanity. Jesus wept at Lazarus’ death; He delighted in being invited to Zacchaeus’ house; and He became angry with the Jewish leaders and the money changers.

Our emotions are a physical response to the way we interpret life’s events. They are neither right nor wrong; they are simply a by product of how we think. It is our thoughts, and not the events themselves, that dictate how we feel about them. And it is the way in which we pray that dictates how we think about our problems.

God expects us to get angry when life hands us a lemon. Anger is a normal, healthy response when we feel hurt, cheated or frustrated. Properly expressed, it can motivate us to act and change the situation for the better. God wants us to vent, get it out of our system and move on with our lives.

But, errors in thinking can lead us to overreact and blame God for our misfortunes. Once that happens, we begin to see our selves as hopeless, helpless victims. A classic example of this type of irrational thinking would be discounting all our blessings and focusing on the negative. “Why me, God?” we might ask. “What did I ever do to deserve this?” But we might just as well ask, “Why me, God - - what did I ever do to deserve all the blessings you have showered on me?”

The question that we need to bring to prayer is not “Why?” but “What?” . . . as in “What am I to learn from this?” and “What good can come from this?”

When Candy Lightner’s 13-year-old daughter Cari was killed by a drunken hit-and-run driver, she promised herself that something good would come out of her personal tragedy. She used her anger in a positive way to create MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

In 1993, the kidnapping and killing of 12-year old Poly Klas left many asking why it had happened. But Polly’s father, Marc Klaas, asked asked what he could do to make sure it didn’t happen again. He became a child advocate and established the KlaasKids Foundation. Today, he makes himself available to parents of kidnapped children and is a frequent guest on network TV shows.

In 2009, actor John Travolta and his wife, Kelly Preston, lost their 16-year old son Jett, to a fatal seizure disorder. But they were surrounded by close friends and found a way to turn their painful loss into a blessing for others by establishing a research foundation in their son’s name.

The only thing worse than a tragic, senseless loss is blaming God for it and turning our back on Him at the very time when we need Him most.

If life hands you a lemon, ask God to help you make lemonade.

Dealing with Anger: John 2: 13-22

Tue, 4 May 2010 07:01:50 -0500

“When he had made, as it were, a scourge of little cords, he drove them all out of the temple, the sheep also and the oxen, and the money of the changers he poured out, and the tables he overthrew.”

We all have pet peeves. Some of mine are misleading political ads; automated phone systems that tell me at least six times in a row that my call is important; health insurance bills that are indecipherable; and spam e-mails. I could go on and on, the point being that life is full of minor irritations that set our hair on fire. An entire field called Anger Management has evolved to teach us how to cope with the daily frustrations that sometimes lead to an explosive outburst.

Throughout His ministry, Jesus dealt calmly and rationally with those who needled and annoyed Him. In debate, He could be assertive, even confrontational; He didn’t bottle up His feelings; but He wasn’t hot headed, either. He didn’t let His pet peeves get the best of Him.

In today’s Gospel, the situation is different. Arriving at the Temple, Jesus witnesses a horrendous scene. The outer courtyard is in turmoil. The booths of moneychangers resonate with the angry sounds of worshipers haggling over the exchange rate that must be paid for the special 1/2 -shekel coins used to pay the Temple tax. Nearby He sees and smells the rank odor from the stalls of the “clean” oxen, sheep and doves that must be purchased for sacrifice. The sounds and smells are too much for Jesus to bear. They are defiling His Father’s house. He lashes out in righteous anger and cleans house.

There are times when anger is a healthy, natural response to a serious situation and this was one of them.

I wonder how Jesus would have voted in our election? I wonder how He would have reacted to the way our elected officials have abused their power by adding wasteful earmarks to pending legislation. I wonder what He would think of the way congress approved of Wall Street’s “casino capitalism,” in which they bet the house - - our houses. Do you suppose Jesus would have cleaned house again?

Jesus on Road Rage: Matthew 5: 20-26

Tue, 4 May 2010 06:54:31 -0500

“. . .I say unto you, that every one who is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment. . .”

We’ve all had days when we’re running on empty and our battery is drained. Suddenly, something unexpected happens on the highway, and, the next thing you know, we’re acting out like kids, playing bumper cars at 65 miles per hour.

According to the National Institutes for Health, 5% to 7% of us - - or about 16 million people - - suffer from road rage. Since there are only 8.2 million lane miles of roadways in this country that means there are, on average, two hot heads per mile. One behind you, one in front of you, they're tailgating, weaving in and out of traffic, honking their horn, racing to get ahead of you on their road to perdition.

Over the course of a lifetime, the typical road warrior has 43 angry outbursts resulting in a total of $1,359 in damage to property. But the losses can be far greater.

Today’s reading reminds us that anger is one of the seven deadly sins. Deadly in more ways than one. Medical studies show that people prone to angry outbursts, the hot heads, are four times more likely to die prematurely than those who score low on standard tests for hostility. Angry outbursts trigger physiological and biological changes that tax the heart.

Certainly, there are times when anger is an appropriate response to a threatening event. But when we dwell on the incident and become angrier and angrier over time we become a threat to our own peace of mind and that of those around us.

A couple of years ago, in Florida, one rage-aholic cut off another at a busy intersection. At the next traffic light, the driver who had been cut off, got out of his car, walked up to the other driver, pulled out a gun and shot the man dead.

When incidents like that make national headlines, they remind us that anger can be lethal. But there are other types of anger that are much less violent, though highly toxic to any relationship; chief among these is the use of course, vulgar, demeaning language: verbal abuse.

Jesus had some strong words for those who use vulgar, derogatory expressions such as "raq" (which meant "I spit on you") to insult others. I wonder what the Lord would have to say about the talking heads on TV who try to demean and shout down one another. I wonder what he’d say about some of our profanity laden TV series and the often crude remarks made about women by comedians..

To the extent that the media mirror and magnify society at large, the picture that emerges is of a coarse, unfeeling culture in which the freedom of speech has become a license to inflict pain. Contrary to what we learned as children, words can harm us, and often do so, leaving life-long scars. Words have weight, their emotional impact sharpened by cursing.

When insulted, our first instinct is to respond in kind, But Jesus told us to hold our tongues and keep the peace. When disagreements arise among friends or family, the one who is more spiritually mature must take the first step toward rapprochement.

There is still another form of anger that is subtler, yet corrosive to a relationship, and that is passive aggressive behavior.

Practitioners of this type of anger try to bottle up their feelings only to have them come out sideways in inappropriate ways. My guess is that many of the Jews in Christ's time would have been passive aggressive toward the conquering Romans. Unable to express themselves freely, they might have taken their anger out on members of their own families.

Christ warned them, "Everyone who is angry with his brother, shall be liable to judgment."

The root cause of most anger is frustration. It can be a neighbor's barking dog, a snow plow that blocks your driveway, a telemarketing call at dinnertime, a shopper with twelve items in the six item checkout lane. Life is full of frustrations. Caught off guard, we react angrily and lash out at those around us. Venting our frustration feels good. In righting a wrong, we feel righteous.

But that's not how Christ feels. The way He sees it, "Whoever says,'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell."

We've all done and said things in anger that we've come to regret. Regret is the key to understanding Christ's attitude toward anger. He recognizes that there will be times when we lose our tempers, and later come to regret it. When that happens, we need to seek reconciliation. Otherwise, the other person can dominate our thoughts; rob us of peace of mind. It’s as if they’re living rent-free in our minds.

If you’re angry, chances are the other person is, too. What he or she is feeling is pain - - anger is another word for pain. It often responds to soothing, healing words, especially when accompanied by prayer.

“If therefore thou art offering thy gift at the altar,” Jesus said, “and there rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves.